Sunday, March 13, 2016 I experienced something unlike anything I’ve previously experienced before. Below is the passage I wrote to a close friend the morning after this occurrence:
“INSANITY! …. Last night I passed out early but woke up at like 2am something and it was really hard for me to get back to sleep. A few hours later I was dozing and fell into a pretty deep sleep when suddenly I jolted awake and as plain as day I had a vision of a man’s face -eyes wide open, but it was only his eyes and eyebrows mostly. He had salt and pepper type hair, sort of crazy and out of sorts like Albert Einstein. His eyes were light in color and his stare intense. He didn’t do or say anything, he just sat there and stared at me. Then he disappeared a few moments later. Super interesting…. I didn’t know what to make of it, and quickly got freaked so I was playing netflix in bed to get my mind off of it and go back to sleep. Without realizing it I fell back to sleep for idk how long, when suddenly I had this jolted feeling that I wanted to wake up BUT I couldn’t…. I tried to scream, push, shove, pull, but I was paralyzed; asleep but conscious…. I was only able to open my eyes ever so slightly, and when I did I saw this dark black figure with arms…. it was holding me down and sitting on me… it was f***ing terrifying. The only thing I had control over was my mind… and in my mind I said loudly… “The White Light of Protection!” and within a millisecond the paralysis vanished and I was able to wake up fully and move again. I was immediately met with this feeling of calmness, I basked in it as it wash over me and I was actually able to go back to bed peacefully a few moments later, unlike stories I’ve heard from other people where they weren’t able to sleep for days after an episode like that. It was sheer terror that ended well …”
Have you ever gone through sleep paralysis? I had some bouts here and there as I was growing up, but the bulk of 2015 I had several encounters, which would inevitably end with this last encounter at the top of 2016. When it first began I remember dreading going to sleep at night. It took me hours to finally fall and as certain as the moon rose, I would undoubtedly go through a series of lucid dreaming where I was consciously awake but had virtually no control. This includes any movement of my limbs, voice box, or generalized operative flow of the body. After while I became used to this “half in, half out” struggle and damn near expected it five out of seven nights a week. I went on to first research the “logical” or “modern day medical” explanations, exclaiming it was due to sleeping disorders and possible stroke outbreaks. WHAT? I knew there was a different reason, a more profound meaning. So I dug deeper.
Less than thrilled about all this I was all too curious as to why I was going through this epidemic so frequently and so suddenly. I began to search for others who have gone through similar sleep invasions, whether that be on the internet, spiritual festivals, independent spiritual practitioners, or otherwise. After months of research and travel, I finally came across a gifted angel card reader/psychic medium who would provide an immense amount of guidance [and still does to this day], we’ll call her ‘K’. K would go on to explain that the sleep paralysis I’ve been experiencing was attributed to spiritual growth and enlightenment, and as a direct result of opening up my third eye and my chakras. I was sort of standing in the middle of a large dark room and the only form of light that existed, existed in me and shot out like a series of flashlights. Whether I was aware of it or not, I was attracting spiritual or supernatural encounters. Good and bad. Darkness is attracted to light, and light that is ill protected is vulnerable to energetic take over. Not. Good.
After more indepth readings and complex explanations [which I won’t get into here] I learned that my “Shadow self” was the dark/black being that was sitting on my chest that night and perhaps all those nights previous – prohibiting me from partaking in any sort of movement. What is your “Shadow self” you ask? Think of it like your ego, your ego being anything and everything to do with greed, selfishness, doubt, fear, anxiety, worry, stress, strain, hatred, etc. Anything that functions in the mind opposite of love, kindness, compassion, joy, etc. And so, because I was growing into a God-like essence and raising my vibrational energy, my ego was combating that growth, so to speak, thus causing energetic conflict in my physical life. Yin and Yang.
Now, I’ve learned to understand this concept differently and more thoroughly than when it was first introduced to me. But initially, It was explained in such a way that stressed I should NOT be afraid. Because though your shadow self can be associated with the ego and all the weaknesses that go along with it, it is there for a reason and has a very specific function – we are human after all and as such there are reasons the ego comes into play. I was informed that it would be extremely helpful and of use to me as I grew in my spirituality. At the time, I had no clue what that meant. All I knew is that I didn’t want to be pinned down like a rabid animal and left at the mercy of some energetic force outside of myself. Yikes! However, I think I’ve come to understand this entire notion of which I will explain in later posts. Stay tuned.
I know this all might be a bit to handle for some people and that my experiences are seemingly all over the board at the moment, but I assure you as time goes on it will all be much easier for everyone to understand. And of course if there are pressing matters you’re dealing with and want more direct answers or explanations I’m more than happy to elaborate via private email.